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Most of us have had a Chris Brown…
The purpose of this piece is to reflect on the type of relationship that Karrueche Tran and Chris Brown had. One filled with dishonesty, infidelity, and betrayal. Truth be told thousands of women either had or have this type of relationship. I just use these two names in order to put a face on the type of relationship I’m speaking about.
A relationship where you are abandoned, misled and left with a broken heart. Truth is most women can relate on this level but it’s just not played out in public like Karrueche and CB. I should know…I was in this type of relationship myself. I was involved in a 3 year plus union with a man who I now realize was selfish and used the right words to manipulate me into thinking that much of his behavior was permissible all because he “loved me.”
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The first time I could remember being on a plane, I mean really remember being on a plane was going to see my friend in Florida. Perhaps it’s the fact that I was on a plane by myself that sticks out. Well next to me was a little boy, couldn’t be more than 5 or 6. He was with his grandma and she fell asleep. Long story short the little boy never flew on a plane before. He wanted to hold my hand, and truth be told I wanted to hold his. I was petrified but we decided we would open the window half way and watch outside. We would face our fear to fly— together.
As a result, even though I am not a fan of heights, I love to fly now. I can actually look out the window and every time before take off, right after I silently pray, I take a moment to think of that little boy. One fear conquered, a couple more to go.
Why is it that we allow our past relationships to dictate where our future ones are going?
The answer is pretty simple, because even after we have moved on, it doesn’t change the fact that the past is still a part of who you are. Even though we aim to live in the present, many of our choices are based on parts of our past.
We can’t seem to fully embrace the phrase, “You lived, you learned…”
It’s true the past can be an effective tool in the learning process but there is a time when letting the past dictate your future decisions can be ineffective; Such as in relationships.
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Aristotle
Self-discovery is such a crazy thing. Even crazier is the fact that it can and will continue to happen throughout the rest of your life. Sometimes you see it happening; you embrace and immerse yourself in the changes and discoveries. Other times, it hits you like a ton of bricks in the midst of a revelation or something that just gets down inside you and stirs you, whether for better or worst.
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Love isn’t supposed to hurt, or so I’ve been told but I am old enough to know that things don’t always turn out as planned. I never understood why people find it necessary to test another human being’s limits in order to truly call it love. In my lifetime I have loved and lost but I never could explain why some people felt it necessary, to attempt to break me down, only to come back into my life and claim how much they missed me and loved me.
Know well enough to know when you are being treated unfairly; when there’s no give, just take. Know well enough to know when you are not 1/1 of 1 but one of many, walk away. Know when to stand up for yourself, for someone else, for something bigger than us all. Be Strong, be Assertive, Be Brave…
Going after what you want in this life is never easy, but I truly believe that nothing is ever really impossible. You might not always make it to you final destination, but you will be surprised how many obstacles you can overcome and how many points you can check off of “your bucket list” along the way. When I was in my early twenties, I recall finding a list I had made with my cousin when I was a little girl (unfortunately I do not know where the list is now) but I recall almost falling out of my seat when I read it. The points on the list were simple, it was an answer to the age-old question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My desires were as follows: